So you want to be the next Virgil (Dante, Homer, Milton, Cam es, Valmiki, whoever) and learn to write epic poetry? Far out. The way I see it, you have two options: you either need to crack open the Mahabharata, or you need to go on Yahoo! Answers.
Yahoo! Answers, of course, has long been the wise Internet sage whom everyone from struggling 7th graders to struggling 8th graders turns to when they need help with a homework assignment, making their bed, or life in general.
Thanks to a tweet from the Washington Post’s book critic Ron Charles, it has also been brought to our attention that “How do I write an epic poem?” has been “resolved” on Yahoo! Answers.
The question was posed by user JPowell, who said that he had to write 500 lines for school. He broke the question down into two main parts: 1. What should the poem be about and 2. What type of verse should it be in?
The best answer (chosen by JPowell his/herself) was from user Lady Annabella-Vlnylist, who replied that the subject of epic poetry must be something grand and historical that also had a national impact.
“If you are an American, the Civil War,” Lady Annabella-Vlnylist advised.
Other users offered their wisdom to JPowell, too. Synopsis, a top contributor on Yahoo! Answers, commented that 500 lines is actually an “epyllion” and that a true epic poem “would usually be at least ten times as long.”
User Jazib H commented that writing an epic poem is “easy, unless you are a person with a rock-type heart.”
“If I were you,” Jazib H wrote, “I would talk about someone who I love.” Jazib H also suggested leaving out sex from the poem. “Love isn’t about sex.”
Richard B, another commenter, wrote that “The thing about an epic is, they were not written in English,” which may have complicated things for JPowell. As for a topic suggestion, he recommended, “How about writing about the end of the world coming up on the winter solstice of 2012?”
We may never know what JPowell wrote about, or how he/she did on their assignment, but at least we know how to write an epic poem now.
Look out, Homer.
