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If Republicans treated cars like they treat guns: a satire

Cars don't kill people; people kill people
Marc A. Hermann/for New York Daily News
Cars don’t kill people; people kill people
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“We are not going to knee-jerk react to every situation. The Democrats continue to want to say, when a mentally deranged person does what they do, it’s the gun’s fault, not the shooter’s fault . . . In their heart, you can’t stop them. They will do it one way or another.” — Rep. Chris Collins (R., N.Y.), after a closed-door meeting of House Republicans on Tuesday

“Some people drive too quickly. In their heart, you can’t stop them. They will do it one way or another.” — Sen. Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.), opposing speed limits

“The Democrats continue to want to say, when a car accident happens, it’s the car’s fault, not the driver’s fault.” — House Speaker Paul Ryan (R-Wisc.), opposing mandatory state inspection of automobiles

“We are not going to knee-jerk react to every situation . . . When a person drives without a license, there’s nothing you can do.” — Transportation Secretary Elaine Chao, opposing licensing of drivers

“When someone doesn’t want to buy automobile insurance, you can’t force them to do it.” — House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.), opposing laws requiring drivers to insure their cars

“Some people will drink and drive. The Democrats continue to want to say, it’s the beer’s fault, not the driver’s fault.” — Rep. Steve King (R-Ia.), opposing bans on drunk driving

“If you put up stop signs, only law-abiding drivers will obey them.” — Rep. Louis Gohmert (R-Tex.), opposing traffic laws

“Sometimes children drive cars, and sometimes they can’t stop when they’re driving. But you can’t stop them.” — Rep. Liz Cheney (R-Wy.), opposing age limits for drivers

“Some people won’t pay taxes on their cars. There’s nothing you can do.” — Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin, opposing penalties for tax evasion

“People will pollute, one way or another. In their heart, you can’t stop them.” — Environmental Protection Administration chief Scott Pruitt, opposing emission standards for automobiles

“If a visually impaired person wants to drive, they will do it one way or the other.” — Former Health and Human Services Secretary Tom Price, opposing eyesight examinations for drivers

“If a mentally deranged person wants to Tweet and drive, you can’t stop them” — President Trump, opposing prohibitions on texting while driving

Zimmerman teaches education and history at the University of Pennsylvania. He is the author (with Emily Robertson) of “The Case for Contention: Teaching Controversial Issues in American Schools.”