As Sarah Palin, wearing the chandelier from Grand Prospect Hall in Brooklyn, stood next to Donald Trump at a campaign stop last week, her son Track was being arrested for punching his girlfriend in the face while brandishing an assault rifle at Sarah’s home.
But it’s not her fault that her son beat the crap out of his lover or that her daughter Bristol has had more kids out of wedlock than a Kardashian.
Whose fault is it? It’s all President Obama’s fault. After all, Sarah is a good, conservative Christian lady. But that secret Muslim, Barack Obama? He did it.
She blamed the President for Track’s assault on his girlfriend because he apparently didn’t care enough for veterans such as her son after they returned from Iraq.
Palin implies that even as the mother of this dysfunctional brood she remains blameless. Blameless, but hardly clueless. Sarah’s as slippery as a skinned snake on an ice slick.
SARAH PALIN’S ONGOING WOLF SLAUGHTER
Palin said the soldier’s “woundedness” (not her son’s violence) was the real elephant in the room. She said this while speaking to a roomful of elephants (as opposed to donkeys).
Or we think that’s what she said, since she’s taken to speaking in tongues or maybe in tongue-tieds. Whatever it is, she’s making less sense, if possible, than she did while destroying John McCain’s shot at the presidency.
Maybe Palin can’t see Iraq from her other window and that’s the problem, but wasn’t it President George W. who created the fake Iraq war that her son volunteered for in the first place? Even her new best friend Trump blasts Bush as the man who destabilized the Middle East by invading Iraq.
But as crazy as she is, and as savvy as Donald Trump is, this odd couple has much more in common than you’d imagine.
Like? Like when Gov. Sarah Palin endorsed aerial assault of helpless animals by advocating the shooting of wolves and bears from planes and helicopters.
And since Palin brought up the elephant in the room, the Trumps and Palins have those big beasts in-the-room in common, too.
In 2012, Trump’s sons went on an exotic animal kill safari in Africa, and proudly posed with their fresh kill, including the bloody, severed tail of an elephant, a slaughtered African leopard, a dead water buffalo and an alligator they hung from a noose.
Sarah, too, not just loves to pose with her fresh kill but this poor ole country gal spends almost as much money to do it as the Trumps. Her caribou hunting trip — which she said was used to feed her family — cost a mere $42,400, or $141.33 per pound of meat, according to “Hollywood Life.”
Problem is, if she keeps showing up at Trump’s side to hype herself, her next fresh kill could end up being Donald Trump’s presidential ambitions.
Palin is as fast and efficient at killing off presidential campaigns as a helicopter hunter with an assault rifle chasing a wolf as it flees for its life.
#OscarsSoWhite fueled by #WhinersTooPrivileged
It’s great that the Academy announced on Friday that, in reaction to the Oscar race-shaming, they will be overhauling their membership by doubling its female and minority members.
What isn’t great about that move though is that Academy honchos capitulated not because it was the right thing to do, and it is, but because it was an Al Sharpton-type of manufactured complaint by privileged whiners who’ve taken advantage of everything Hollywood has to offer.
It began when Spike Lee and Jada Pinkett Smith, the wildly rich actress wife of Will Smith, called for a boycott because no black actors had been nominated, branding by implication all white voting actors as racist.
It took about five seconds for gasbagging white actors to rush into the mix, accusing their anonymous white colleagues (not themselves of course!) of voting for white actors simply because they are white.
As opposed to — what? — voting for actors simply because they are black? Wouldn’t that be equally racist?
Did any of the accusers (George Clooney, for starters) vote for a white actor when they could have voted for a black actor? No, of course not? Then who did?
Isn’t the most liberal group on the planet — actors — beyond this? Aren’t we all?
Such implied racism is an insult to these artists, whatever their race.
#OscarsSoWhite
STAND BY YOUR WEINER
Just in time for the Iowa caucuses comes “Weiner,” the documentary centering on Weiner’s weiner scandal, and more importantly on the second-most humiliated wife in politics – Hillary’s number two – Weiner’s spouse Huma Abedin.
The movie, premiering at Sundance today, was supposed to raise Weiner — oh wait, bad choice of words, ah, resurrect Weiner — in politics after his chances went limp when he got caught sexting pictures of his nether regions to his entire list instead of just to his sexting partner, who was not Huma. That’s an excuse?
Like a good Clinton wife, Huma-liation didn’t kick the pervy pol to the curb like the rabid dog he is. She instead worked to restore his tarnished image to inexplicably run for mayor of NYC.
Talk about a stiff order. Thus, the redemption film, wherein the couple mistakenly gave the filmmakers total access during his aborted run for mayor.
Ooops. In the middle of filming, like every compulsive deviate, he got caught wagging his Anthony’s Weiner once again!
Last week, even though the filmmakers denied it, the Hollywood Reporter broke a story about people who’d seen earlier cuts swearing that scenes were removed that showed Hillary’s team urging Abedin to leave Weiner for the good of Clinton’s campaign.
So that’s what they mean by “You Go Girl?”
KELLY WALKS TO THE BEAT OF HIS OWN DRUMMER
If the fighting hardened criminals thing doesn’t work out for former police commish Ray Kelly, he can always take up hard rock.
Kelly, who was straighter than an ironing board as a cop (now vice chairman of K2 Intelligence), was on Howard Stern recently when Radio Chick Leslie Gold, heard him say he is an amateur drummer.
Last week, Ray had a session with Gold’s boyfriend, legendary Vanilla Fudge drummer, Carmine Appice.
Kelly’s wife Victoria is a saint. My husband decided to play bongos once and I decided that divorce was less painful.
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